What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
"Time to wine down."
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”