Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
"I mead more wine."
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”