What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.