How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Join us for a slice of fun.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
"Be kind, re-wine."
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.