Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.