What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.