How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
You’re wine in a million.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
"Say you'll be wine."
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
This foundation is rock salad.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.