What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
"Say you'll be wine."
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
We’re a perfect mash.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.