Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
"Love the wine you're with."
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!