I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Time to celery-brate.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
You knead me in your loaf.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.