What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
We’re a perfect mash.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.