"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”