What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Join us for a slice of fun.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
"I make pour decisions."
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.