After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
"Say you'll be wine."
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!