I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
"Back that glass up."
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.