Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
I yam what I yam.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
"You're the wine that I want."
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.