Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
"On cloud wine."
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
"Read between the wines."
"Back that glass up."
"I need to re-wine my life."
"Stop and smell the rosé."
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
"Alcohol you later."
"I make pour decisions."
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"It's wine o'clock."
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
"Rosé all day."
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"No wine left behind."
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
"Sip, sip hooray."
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
