What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
I think therefore I yam.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Keep calm and carrot on.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Everybody romaine calm.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I love you from my head tomato
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
This foundation is rock salad.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Time to celery-brate.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!