What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
This foundation is rock salad.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I love you from my head tomato
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Time to celery-brate.
I hope for world peas.
I think therefore I yam.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Everybody romaine calm.
I yam what I yam.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.