What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I yam what I yam.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I think therefore I yam.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
I hope for world peas.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Time to celery-brate.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
