What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What a spud muffin.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
This foundation is rock salad.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
I yam what I yam.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Keep calm and carrot on.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
I love you from my head tomato
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I think therefore I yam.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Time to celery-brate.
I hope for world peas.