Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.