Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.