I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
