I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!