Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.