To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.