Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
