I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.