I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!