I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.