Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.