What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
