I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”