Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.