What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.