The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.