What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.