I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!