If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
