What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!