Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.