I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.