I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
