I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize