The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.