There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.