Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer