What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.