What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.