I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.