How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.