What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.