What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.