"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
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