“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
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