"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope