"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
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