“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
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