"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
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