“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
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