"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
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