"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
― Truman Capote
“Winter blues are cured every time with a potato gratin paired with a roast chicken.”
– Alexandra Guarnaschelli
“We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.”
— Unknown
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
October, November, cool, cooold, cooooooldest, March, April.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
“Bring a compass. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.”
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!”
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
“Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability.”
– Sam Keen
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”
- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? -- Quentin Crisp
“There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.”
Anonymous
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish."
Anonymous
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.
David Hyde Pierce
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
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