“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”
— Punit Ghadge
“I need to get up; my coffee needs me.”
— Unknown
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
“I really regret going to a Yoga class today… said no one ever.” — Unknown
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
"Work out in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing."
– Unknown
"Taurus won't forget it. Taurus doesn't forget anything."
— Linda Goodman
“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“This has been such a Monday! I wish I stayed in bed, and I wish that yesterday had never happened.”
– Lisa Mantchev
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue.”
— Katie Lee
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
- Dorothy Parker.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“What is the only flaw of being intelligent?…that you have to deal with stupid people.”
Anonymous
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive.”
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.“
Mark Twain
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
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