“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.”
– Garry Moll
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
— Nanea Hoffman
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
“All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.” — Rory Freedman
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
- Dorothy Parker.
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
"It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack."
― Germany Kent
“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“Good weather all week, but come the weekend, and the weather stinks. When the weather is too hot, they complain; too cold, they complain; and when it’s just right, they’re watching TV.”
— Rita Rudner
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
– Laurence J. Peter
“Monday again? Is it every week now?”
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
"Don’t believe everything you think."
Anonymous
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
- Bill Cosby.
“Aries: You can't handle me even if I came with instructions.”
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
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"I like swimming in a sun shirt. People always look at me like I fell in the pool"
– Jim Gaffigan
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
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