"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Bernard M. Baruch
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect you just have to care enough and be there.”
— Unknown
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
“You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.”
— Unknown
“People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.”
- Alice Walker
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Yoga is not about tightening your ass. It’s about getting your head out of it.” — Eric Paskel
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“I remember when yoga was called Twister.” – Unknown
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
— Jim Davis
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener."
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
The temperature can only go up from here.
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”
— Unknown
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Monday: One of those days when even when your coffee needs a coffee.”
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“This crisp winter air is full of it.” – John Burroughs
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"Camping is a humanitarian effort to help feed hungry mosquitoes."
- Melanie White
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