All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
— J.R.R. Tolkien
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summer"
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
- Katherine Hepburn.
"I am not an early bird or night owl; I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon."
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
“A day without yoga is like a sundae without sprinkles” — Emma Mildon
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” - Cindy Garner
“A yawn is a silent scream for coffee…”
– Unknown
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
Jay Leno
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends — but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.”
“Sign for a beginner’s yoga class: Enquire Within.” – Unknown
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. -- Robert Orben
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
"Technology is getting smarter and smarter: smartphones, smartwatches, smart homes… Only people remain stupid no matter what."
- Anna LeMind
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” —Ina Garten
"Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield."
— Catherynne Valente
The temperature can only go up from here.
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
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