“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
“Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for our flexibility.” – Unknown
“My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.”
“If I was elected president, the first thing I would do would be to eliminate all Mondays and lengthen the weekend one more day.”
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.”
- Gustave Flaubert
“I have decided to cast my vote for any political candidate whose platform adds Monday to the weekend.”
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
“Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.”
— Marlo Thomas
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
Steve Martin
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“An instructor once gave the following cue in yoga class: “Relax your pancreas.” I don’t even know where my pancreas is, never mind how to relax it! I giggled for the rest of the class.” – Mel Farrimond
"Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read."
– Raymond Carver
“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” —Ambrose Bierce
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
“You are in control. Never allow your Monday to be manic.”
— Andrea L’Artiste
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“At some point in life, the world’s beauty becomes enough.”
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Clint Eastwood
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“I think there should be holy war against yoga classes.” — Werner Herzog
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
"My idea of camping is falling asleep on the couch with the window open."
- Clarke Kant
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
Go to BabaMail
