"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” — Erma Bombeck
“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” —Anonymous
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“I am responsible for what I say but I’m not responsible for what you understand.”
Anonymous
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world."
— E. B. White
“Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.”
– Deborah Kerr
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”
– Kristen Chandler
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
- Albert Einstein
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous
“Millionaires don't use Astrology, billionaires do.”
― J.P. Morgan
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
“Sagittarians are not normally sentimental; however, they can get really attached to a favorite sweater that has seen better days.”
— Therrie Rosenvald
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Scorpios are powerful creatures who demand equally potent cocktails."
— Aliza Kelly
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
"It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning."
— H.G. Wells
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
"Yoga is a way of getting totally drunk – not on alcohol but on life."
- Sadhguru
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"I'd like to connect with nature but there's no USB port" - Dan Masso
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.” — Gary D. Schmidt
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." – Peter Ustinov
"True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people together."
— Emilie Saint-Genis
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
Go to BabaMail
