“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there’s a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson — and when he shows up, they tell him there’ll be a ten-minute wait.”
Bill Maher
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
Steven Wright
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“Unfortunately, I did not become a millionaire over the weekend, so I have to return to work on Monday.”
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“I do yoga so that I can stay flexible enough to kick my own arse if necessary.” — Betsy Cañas Garmon
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”
– Diane Von Furstenberg
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“When I say I won’t tell anyone, my best friend doesn’t count.”
— Unknown
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
“There is nowhere morning does not go.”
– Leah Hager Cohen
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way."
- Albert Camus
“I talked to a wild group last night. I knew it the minute someone yelled ‘Louder!’ during the silent meditation. – Robert Orben”
"What is a home without children. Quiet." – Henny Youngman
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
“The most delightful advantage of being bald—one can hear snowflakes.”
– R. G. Daniels
“Somedays you eat salad and go do Yoga. Somedays you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. This is called balance.” — Unknown
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
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