“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.” – Nate Smith
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
Stan Laurel
"Humor is reason gone mad."
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“Imagine if fire extinguishers were full of snow. Imagine the fun we could have.”
– Neil Hilborn
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
“Keep calm and ommm… nonommm…” — Anonymous
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“A photographer gets people to pose for him. A yoga instructor gets people to pose for themselves.” — Terri Guillemets
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal."
Rob de Castella
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.”
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“I love yoga, but the namaste thing only takes you so far.” — Jillian Michaels
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
"My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate." — Jim Gaffigan
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
Go to BabaMail
