"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“Dear winter, stop being so romantic, I’m single here.”
The number of followers you have doesn't make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12. -- Anonymous
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
– Laurence J. Peter
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“I'm not napping this is savasana.”
- Berndt Vogel
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
"If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people."
- Victor Cousin
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
“Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.”
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“Heat, ma'am! It was so dreadful here that I found there was nothing left for it but to take off my flesh and sit in my bones.”
- Sydney Smith
Bob Hope
I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”
— Sicilian Proverb
"Went outside today. Very hot. There were bugs. Zero stars, would not recommend"
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'”—Jim Gaffigan
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!” —Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
Go to BabaMail
